OnMyHighHorse

A Treatise On Hip Hop

2010-06-29T17:25:00.000-07:00

I like k-os. As a musician he is probably one of the best in hip hop. However, he is not a very good emcee. As a matter of fact, he's kind of a one-note joke; the majority of his raps centering around how everyone is wack, and how we need to go back to the way things used to be. I can dig it. In fact there was a time when I felt the exact same way; that's probably how I caught wind of k-os in the first place.

See I'm not a new jack, and regardless of where my musical tastes rest at this moment, I really was raised on this shit. From watching LL's "I'm Bad" and PE's "Fight the Power" on Yo! MTV Raps, to Gangstarr "Mass Appeal" on Rap City, to Nas "Got Urself a Gun" on TRL, roots run deep. So understandably when I turn on the tele and see Souljah boy and Plies prancing around, it's going to strike a nerve with me. Still, this concept of "real" hip hop and "fake" hip hop is a fallacy, and ultimately far more detrimental to the culture at large, than helping.

Truth is, everything has it's place, from the most sugary-watered down-soda pop hip hop you can find, to the most lyrical super-scientifical emcees out there, everyone has an audience. Unfortunately, it is those very "scientifical" emcees that do the most to perpetuate the stigma of "real vs. fake" hip hop. And it's sad to say, but given some thought I believe the reason is obvious; they can not do any better. You see, being a good rapper really doesnt mean anything in the context of making a listenable tune, much less a popular one. Don't get me wrong, I personally place high value on lyrical ability. But let's face it, you can be the rappiest man on the planet and still be unable to write a good song; go ask Eminem.

I don't mean to devalue lyricism, but somewhere along the line emcees forgot that the point was to make good music, and it became a gotdamn spitting competition. The problem is, that very mentality gives way for underdeveloped rappers to take over the market. The guys willing to sacrifice solid lyricism for a catchy chorus (or perhaps a song about a dance) get their music played on the radio, while most other hip hop gets stigmatized and left by the wayside.

Really, despite any misgivings I may have towards either end of the spectrum, the biggest point I would like to make is that hip hop has always put out good product. Judging an entire culture by it's extremes just doesn't work. Regardless of what is popular now or then, you can always find something worth your time. As fans of hip hop I feel it is our responsibility to break down these walls and come to accept each other's ways. Lyricism is important, and pop music isn't evil. A balance of both would really do hip hop good, especially as far as our image is concerned. I hate the fact that hip hop has been around since the late 70's, and yet is still viewed as almost a joke to many people.

I would like to end this dissertation with a quote from Aesop Rock:

"What are you saving, honestly?/ Promise me you gon' shut the fuck up and recognize what you're holdin' ain't really broken."

That one's for all the perpetrators!

PEACE!,

Anthony

(fresh for 2010, you suckers! :P)

AM I A MAN?

2010-03-11T16:17:00.000-08:00

"And they say desegregation was a big step forward, but integration only covered up a rotten core/ The surface might have changed, but the cauldron is still hot/ Now we more politically correct with less 'real-talk'." -Blue Scholars, "North by Northwest"

Am I a man? Lately this question has been plagueing me. Am I a man, or am I something else?

If what's under my belt is any indication, then the answer is a definite yes. But if other's response to my person is truthful, then I am not a man; instead I am, in fact, a color. The color I'm speaking of is of course, black. Now I say of course, although anyone without impaired vision can see very obviously that my skin is not black, but most notably a middle-shade of brown. Such information, however, is irrelevant to most, so for the sake of convention, my designation shall remain black.

Now I was always taught that a person was defined by action and character; and I still assume this to be the case for most other people. Blacks are different though. Awkwardly, I've come to find out that being black comes with certain stipulations. These stipulations cover a range of subjects that govern a black's entire existance. Everything from speech pattern and vocabulary, to clothing, music, and of course, the ever-present swagger. And these rules need to be followed to a "T"; or at least that's what I'm told...

Earlier I stated that these revelations came "awkwardly", and I would like to explain this. Increasingly, through introductions and the comments of others, I've come to see that my value as a person is limited only to that which is most obvious; my skintone. This, I have found very shocking, because I was under the belief that I am multi-faceted person. Never is Anthony the 'funny guy', or the 'happy guy', or even the 'athletic guy'; no, Anthony is the black guy. Unfortunately, I only recently found this out, and as a result my personality almost completely defies the 'black stipulations'. 'Fortunately' though there are plenty of people ready to put me in my place.

The quote at the top of this essay by Blue Scholars, perfectly reflects the current state of contemporary American society. While being called out as a racist or (more rampantly) a bigot, is highly undesirable for most people, the feelings expressed speak differently of the current climate. I am very notably reminded of Chris Mathew's relatively recent comment about how he "..forgot Barack Obama was Black"; and how oxymoronic that statement was.

The truth is, people still have yet to come to terms with other's ethnicity, as well as their own feelings of inadequecy; but pretending negative attitudes do not exist is not the way towards that goal. If you would like to judge me, then judge me; but do so with the knowledge of my character and values.

I hope that someday people will be beyond such petty differences, but until then I will keep asking the question: Am I a man, or am I a color?

--Tony "elTigre"

Individuality..

2010-02-28T18:24:00.000-08:00

I've wanted to write about this for some time now, but really haven't had the words (still don't!). Anyways, here it goes...

The other day, while browsing the internet, I got on yahoo and clicked on an article about baby names. The article said that people have been picking increasingly obscure names for their newborns, in order to give them a sense of individuality (probably both for the baby and themselves). And this article just really got me thinking about what it is to be an individual and what role individuality plays in our society.

This subject is particularly interesting for me, since, I do not honestly believe people have any interest in being different. Individuality, it would seem, is really just the new heatwave. What I'm saying is, the facade or appearance of individuality holds more weight than actually being different does. Everyone wants to be the first to read/hear/wear that new hotness, in order to appear cutting edge or trendy. I've always thought it interesting when you hear a goth kid or hipster talk about how different they are based on the fact that their dress isn't 'mainstream'; while they in fact are following a group ideal.

"I don't try to be different, I am/So inevitably my style will survive when your now, turns to then." El-P/Company Flow 'Population Control'

As a person who is different, I can tell you from experience that it hasn't always been easy; nor will it ever be. I struggled with my individuality for years before coming to grips with who I am. The truth is, people really want to be a part of a group or collective, and to stand out too much is most often alienating. To this day people turn their noses up at me, and make jokes at my expense for not being "normal". In fact, the name of this blog came about because my views rarely coincide with that of the herd, and as a result people take me as a snob.

There is a quote on my facebook by Frederick Douglass that goes like this:

"I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence."

That is a true statement of individuality. It is something that I try to live everyday; to be realer than real. True individuality; something which can not be bought or sold, worn or said; something not gained in a name or a style. But something which can be gained through the conscious effort of an individual to be you, just as you are.

-Tony "elTigre"

New Short Story

2010-02-01T00:42:00.000-08:00

http://myhiproject.blogspot.com/

FML...Really?

2010-01-30T20:10:00.000-08:00

Fuck.My.Life...That's what he said. The reason? "I'm bored." Really? 'I'm bored' is a valid enough reason to damn your entire existence? You've gotta be shittin' me..

Seems like people will use any minor obstacle to say it. FML I can't find my car keys. FML I'm sleepy. FML, life is like a box of chocolates. Ludicrous! In our world of tweets and facebook posts to virtually no one*, I am well aware of the self centeredness of the internet, and those dwelling within. But something about this 'FML' fad really bugs me.

Anyone who knows me, knows I've lived anything but a charmed life. But never has an incident incurred such incredulous defiling of my own existance. No loss, no hurt, no scarring, and no broken bones could ever make me say that. What I find most troubling though, is that it would seem people have truly forgotten that struggle is not something to be looked down upon, but rather is character defining.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." --Martin Luther King, Jr.

Do I honestly think people mean to damn their lives? No, not really. But then why mention it? If something is so insignificant as to be forgettable, why bring it up? Are you really that lonely and attention starved? Or could it be that you honestly believe your problems are that significant? That of all the shit going wrong in the world, your petty BS is of a higher calling.

Of all the ways to illustrate one's problems, FML has to be the most despicable; and you know what? I agree with you. FUCK YOUR LIFE. In fact, considering that your life is so dispensable, I implore you to go get all the clothes out of your closet and put them in a box marked "HAITI". Then go sell your car, and clean out your bank account and send that money down to New Orleans, because I'm sure there are plenty of people there who have a lot more value for life than you do.

Tony "el Tigre"

*For the record, when I mentioned "facebook posts to virtually no one", I was speaking about those who post but never respond to comments, thus using the site much like an open diary meant to be read but not responded to.

Reader Submitted Blog: SLOW DOWN!

2010-01-24T09:25:00.000-08:00

This was submitted by my twin sister almost a month ago, and in my busy world of being unemployed and all, I completely spaced on posting it. In any case, here we have a great message on slowing things down and taking your time. I decided not to edit it since I feel the way it was written conveys fully the urgency of the matter. Enjoy!:

I can't help but notice and be utterly annoyed by the way EVERYBODY seems to be in rush everyday, all the time! I just really want to know where is everybody going? Why is everyone doing 45+ mph on the streets and riding my butt because they don't like my 40 mph? Hell, why am I even doing 40? Or why do I have to force my way across a street because no one can take 8 seconds out of their busy lives to let me, a pedestrian, cross the street so I can get to my car?! I'm not even just pointing my finger at everyone else. And I hope no one that may be reading this is shaking their heads thinking about other people they know or may have encountered doing these things. Take a minute and asks yourself..is that me? How many times have you been in a line becoming impatient because you've been standing there all of 5 minutes and you think this is too long? Or how many times have you grown impatient or been in your car speeding when you weren't even running late? I challenge everyone to be conscience of these actions that I am sure we are all guilty of. Be patient. And be kind. (It's good karma anyway!) Stop and flag someone in when no one else will let them into traffic. When you make it to the checkout don't be rude and annoyed with the checker but be polite and make conversation, even if you had to wait longer then you wanted..because it wasn't their fault!

You can't enjoy life day to day if you're always rushing! So slow down!

--Courtney Webb

I CAN CHANGE THE WORLD!

2010-01-06T08:53:00.000-08:00

Ok, so maybe I can't. Not alone. But through me change can be implemented...right?

Change is a funny thing, isn't it? Nothing is more essential to the proliferation of life; to it's sustainance. Our survival as a species is dependent on it. But change is, seemingly, our biggest obstacle in implementing...change. Or, could it be that effort is our achilles heel?

Often it is said that the cure to most of life's ills is education. What's the quote, 'teach a man to fish and you've fed him for a lifetime'? Seems like conventional wisdom. But if poverty is such an easy fix, then why are there so many more beggars than fishermen? What's the missing link here? I mean look around; so much of our earth is still third-world. There are ghettos and slums in every city, in every state, in every country, county and province.

Is it racism? Is it hatred? Or is it, laziness, fear, subordination? Could it be that people are genuinely afraid of getting their hands dirty, or fear the repercussion of those with power if we change the system for our brothers?

No one ever said change would be easy, but it is more necessary now than ever.

..And not false political change. Yes, that is a jab at President Obama. I have nothing against the guy (hey for all I know he really wants a better world), but I have no faith in a political system designed to pander to the status quo. The change I'm talking about involves me, and you, them, and all of us determined to leave a better world to our descendents. The power is not theirs to wield alone. The power exists where it always has, in the hands of the people. The question is, will we take responsibility for it, and in the process take responsibility for each other?

"If one fails, we all fail"

Peace & good luck,
Tony "elTigre"

My New Year Non- resolution....

2010-01-03T16:52:00.000-08:00

The 2010 is here. This year for me didn’t come with any crazy party filled with people drinkin’ themselves crazy, or with any sloppy kiss exchange with a stranger or loved one. But it did come with the same ol’ resolutions that they always come with. Now I’m not one for a resolution. But I happened to be on yahoo checking my e-mail and read there how to “Keep Your New Year Resolution,” now I read this for about 2 minutes before stopping because the first tip was “to get new friends.” I’m sure it went along the lines of “Stay away from people who don’t share your goals,” or “Don’t hang out with people who will try to derail your goals, try meeting someone with the same goals as you.” Now not only is that a stupid tip, but I fail to see how anyone’s friend should have that big of an impact on their life. Rule one should have been “learn better self control."

I hate the idea of only giving one’s self a shot at change once a year. It just seems so self-destructive to keep making resolutions in this fashion. I myself like to set up a lifetime of goals and once one is done, I’m on to the next one. I would encourage others to stop waiting for tomorrow or next week, and just do it (I know sometimes you really can’t just jump into something). But If you one day say, “I need to take better care of myself,” or “Hey I would like to do something like that,” just go for it. I mean what do you have to lose? (Except maybe some lbs, and a bad habit or two). Get excited to jump into the project just don’t plan for too long, or you just might wind up putting it off again, and you’ll fall back into the same bad habits. So if you’re looking to get into better shape or quit smoking or maybe start up a new project, just get the wheel turning and keep making moves ladies and gents. And don’t be too hard on yourself if you miss one day of the gym or have a smoke here and there, just keep pushing forward. One day at a time is much easier than one year at a time. Some wise guy once told me to stop saying “I can’t” but rather “I can’t yet.” Not only does this feel better but you learn to stop closing doors and start opening them.

~ Ari A ~

Reader Submitted Blog: COMMON SENSE SECURITY

2009-12-30T10:15:00.000-08:00

Wow, only a week or two into this and we've already got a third party submission! This post is by Muhammed Sanchez, and is titled 'Common Sense Security' (aka The Boogeyman!). Let's see what he has to say about the so-called 'Scare In the Air'...

I’m sure many of you have watched the intense coverage of the recent “Scare in the Air,” the failed terrorist plot to blow up a Northwest Airlines flight in Detroit (or, as I like to call it, the latest sighting of the boogey man). As a result, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has begun to implement some of the most fascinating flight safety procedures to date. These new procedures make me wonder if the story is being reported accurately—or if it’s all just a big cover-up for another 8 hour tarmac nightmare.

The TSA’s new security measures include not allowing international flight passengers to leave their seats within 1 hour of landing, not allowing them to have anything on their laps during specified times, and varying methods of security at domestic airports, such as canine teams and behavior detection. It’s all very exciting.

But at the end of the day, my question is: How are these new measures actually going to protect us? Abdulmutallab’s own father alerted the U.S. Embassy in Nigeria that his son was a threat to security. Abdulmutallab was on the flight watch list. He smuggled a chemical agent past security which was sown into his underwear. On three accounts, this man should have been caught. But the security measures that have been put in place seem to do little to keep terrorists from launching an attack. Just because Abdulmutallab chose to engage his attack within an hour of the plane landing does not mean that every terrorist attack in the future will follow suit. Let’s be serious. These are terrorists we are dealing with. They are people who want to hurt others to make a statement. Do you really think they are going to be abiding by rules like this? Granted, maybe the flight attendant will now come by with the trash bag more often in an effort to keep things out of my lap, but that does little to ease my mind in feeling safer on a flight. As U.S. citizens, we’re already terrified to fly, have to take off our shoes to go through security, pay $15-$30 so our luggage can come along, and limit the types and amounts of liquids we can take on our carry-on. All of this, and we might have an 8 hour wait on the tarmac. When we fly, we all kinda know it’s a crap shoot whether or not we’ll be safe, whether or not we’ll get to our destination, whether or not we’ll have a new terrible travel story to tell our loved ones.

But all of these measures begin to wane ridiculous when we really begin to think about how these things make us safer. Yes, security screenings make sense to detect various threats—as long as the screenings are effective in detecting those threats. But, being required to sit in my seat quietly and with nothing in my lap—after going through all the other measures—only makes me feel like a child: helpless, vulnerable, unprotected, and not to be trusted with big ideas like “terrorists” and “security.” It’s almost like your parents used to tell you “Don’t scream too loud, or else the boogeyman will come and get you!” Are we really getting what we are paying for, in both taxes and fare? At the end of the day, I want reasonable security measures actually aimed at keeping me and my loved ones safe when we fly—not half-assed security measures that only agitate and irritate. We need to come to terms with the fact that we cannot completely prevent terrorist attacks. Once we master that fear, then maybe common sense measures will begin to rule. And maybe, just maybe, we might be safer when we fly.

Muhammed Sanchez is an up-and-coming writer and co-founder of Supreme Justyce, and is currently based out of Washington D.C. For more work from Mr. Sanchez check out http://www.supremejustyce.com/

OPINIONS & ARGUMENTS

2009-12-29T10:05:00.000-08:00

Just a few minutes ago I was having a discussion with my mother about the merits of universal health care. How we got onto the subject, or what sides were taken are at this point, irrelevant. What is relevant, however, is the nature of the discussion, which was...less than eye opening. That is to say, instead of an open discussion between two principles who listen to, and respect each others differences in thought; we ended with one party (my mother) personally insulting the other for lack of a proper rebuttle. Now I didn't write this to proliferate some type of "holier than thou" persona; my reasoning for this blurb is to ask the question: What is so bad about disagreeing?

Obviously because of the discrepencies in our experience as human beings, there will be times when our views do not coincide; even for the 'chumiest' of pals. Yet, for reasons unknown to me, people often take these disagreements so close to heart that what starts as a difference in thought, becomes a personal attack. This is what I call an opinion. But an idea is an abstract concept, and therefore should be, by it's very nature, ethereal. Isn't this why we talk? Isn't this why we discuss things; to learn? To gain new insite? To change our perspective? This is why I talk. This is why I started this blog.

And even if you do carve your thoughts into stone, I see no reason why discussion can not be held with respect.

Peace & Good Luck,

Tony "elTigre"

Coffee With a Little Skin Anyone?

2009-12-28T14:18:00.000-08:00

A while back I had this crazy idea. The idea was to go about my loving town and see just what it was that bikini huts had to offer, other than skin that is. Seeing as I can be very very lazy, I sat on this idea for some time until it got to the point where I had almost forgot about it. Until one day we started thinking of things we could do to kinda change up the ol' day to day. Thus the idea came crawlin' on back. So in the next few days Tony and I will be going about town asking bikini barristas a few questions and taste testing their coffee to see just how they stack up to the other coffee giants out there. Stay tuned folks.

~Ari A~

RESPECT

2009-12-27T17:29:00.000-08:00

Today I read an article in GQ Magazine about pop star Rihanna, entitled 'Good Girl Gone Badass!'. Considering the title and racy photos, I fully expected the article to be centered on Rihanna's newfound 'badass personality', and how she's out there having fun being young and sexy. Such a presentation would seem totally appropriate, especially in a men's magazine. Unfortunately though, such was not the case.

The story started out innocent enough, with the writer explaining the circumstances of the interview. Even when the opening questions were centered on her "incident" with Chris Brown, I still didn't feel they were out of line. Soon enough though, it became apparent such questions would be the rule and not the exception. The interview started to feel less like an opportunity to hear what Rihanna had to say, and more like an indictment of sorts.

As the interviewer continued to jab Rihanna with queries ("...Did you think you would die that night?"/ "Do you think you two willl ever be friends?"/ "By the way, did you ever graduate high school?"*), it became very apparent our young diva was feeling a bit uncomfortable; and so was I. Perhaps it wouldn't have been so shocking if our interviewer wasn't also female. Call me sexist, but I figured a female journalist would be a bit more...tactful. Instead, she seemed to take pleasure in being, well, kind of mean. In fact, not only did I get the feeling our writer was a jerk, but also that she flat out didn't like Rihanna.

The writing was so uncomfortable for me that at one point I put the magazine down and stopped reading. It was only when I thought of writing this blog that I picked it back up. The entire article felt like our so-called-journalist was going on a power trip and was subliminally saying to the subject "you're weak" and "I'm better than you". Even after Rihanna's manager told her to stop, her forked tongue continued to dig at Rihanna's wounds with off-handed questions.

Of course my assessment of this story is completely speculative, and you would have to make up your own mind by reading the article, but it does bring us to my point in writing this, which is: What is it in our nature, perhaps only as Americans, that leads us to be so unappreciative..so demeaning and unabashedly cold towards our celebrities? The same people who entertain us. The same whom we idolize over all others. Why can't we treat these people like...people?

Perhaps that weird kid was right when he said "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!". At this point I'm apt to say amen...

-Tony "el Tigre"

(editors note: "that weird kid"'s name is Chris Crocker...and "weird kid" isn't a very nice thing to say about someone)

*Seriously, that question came out of nowhere. It had no precedent and really wasn't 'by the way' at all.

Movie Martyrdom

2009-12-25T19:36:00.000-08:00

"Taking the bullet so you don't have to!"

Many a lazy Saturday have been spent watching movies. Some of the time these movies are good...some of the time. More often though, we intentionally take the hard road and watch something with little, to no budget. Now I'll be the first to tell you that a movie doesn't need a large budget to have good content. No, budget isn't the point at all. But we're not talking about the Napolean Dynamite's or, anything Jospeh Gordon-Levitt's made in the past 5 years. No, we're talking about the B movie (sometimes C or D). And with that it is our pleasure to present to you Movie Martyrdom: "Taking the bullet so you don't have to!" Your number one guide to the crappiest movies out there.

The Mystical Adventures of Billy Owens

rating: 1 1/2 out of 10

Do you like Harry Potter? Well of course you do! And I can tell you (tongue in cheek) that all of your favorite characters are here: Harry of course, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Malfoy, Voldemort, even Harry's parents James & Lily are here, though they don't die (although you wish they would. Also Dobbi appears as a shitty troll, but we'll get to that later). Ok, so these characters don't actually appear, but their awkward dopplegangers do (Fred and George are spared the humiliation).

As far as Harry Potter ripoffs go, this has to be the worst one. Mind you this is the first Harry Potter ripoff I've ever seen. Explaining this movie is an exercise in futility, since the writers appear have taken the shells of well written characters and placed them in a an improbable world completely lacking in parable and character development. Quite honestly I don't even know what it was about. Bad acting aside, the story didn't make any sense, but I'll do my best to explain it.

At the beginning Harry, err, Billy is being chased by the local bully for some apparent reason. Seriously, no feud is every fully established. In any case, we do know it is Billy's eleventh birthday, and during the chase he finds himself in a magic store, or shitty pawn shop or something, run by Rowdy Roddy Piper. Now, in our heads, a Harry Potter ripoff featuring Rowdy Roddy Piper as a Dumbledore esq character sounds like a good time. Unfortunately he fails to deliver as anything more than a creepy pedophile pretending to be older than he really is. At this point, the movie really starts to get vague.

Billy buys a magic wand from Mr. Piper who for some reason knows it is his birthday. This, and the man's creepiness do not seem to bother Billy in the least, although he is quite bothered by the fact that he knows the man's name, despite it being the name of the shop. At this point our bootleg Ron and Hermione appear, only to be dazzled by old coffee presses and silver spoons.

Next we find Billy and Devon pretending to play video games. Billy wins and then wishes his wand was real. He then proceeds to point it at a bookcase, and to their surprise, a ball levitates (yup, it's really that easy). At this point his mom takes the wand and tells them to clean up. Billy and Devon dump their potato chips behind the bed and under the pillow. They sing happy birthday to Billy. This is where you really get a good understanding of how annoying Devon is, and you just know Billy won’t be associating with him in the future.

After the birthday party we're blessed with a piss poor Tai Chi scene, which really encapsulates the lack of effort put into making this film. Then it’s back to the pawn shop. The door is locked, so instead of waiting for regular hours they just break in; which would appear easy enough considering the magic wand, only Billy hasn't yet figured out the magic words (though this wasn't a problem earlier in the film). After some trial and error, Billy finds all he needs to say is 'please'...yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen, please really is the magic word. Inside, Rowdy Roddy Piper is waiting for them. Why he didn't just open the door is really beyond me. He shows the group a 'magic' book with the word "Owens" inscribed on the cover. The following conversation occurs:

Billy: "Why does the book say Owens?"

Rowdy Roddy Piper: "What's your last name?"

Billy: "Owens."

This tells us nothing about why the book says Owens, or why he has it. I can only assume that he has been keeping tabs on our young friend here for some time. The movie goes on and on like this, from discussions about Loki's power being sealed in the local river (located no where near Scandinavian territory), to Victor (the bootleg Voldemort) showing his power by messing up double R.P's hair (Victor is also Billy’s teacher BTW).

The next night Billy has his friends over and they are going over the large amount of books they took from the staff only section in the library (this was known as the restricted section in Harry Potter). The mom then looks out the window and we see some fire and a bit of fog. Mandy, our seudo Hermoine, does a really poor job of looking stressed, almost as bad a job as she does convincing us that she’s smart.

Billy makes his way to the pawn shop and finds it burning. Rushing in he finds Double R.P on the ground unable to move, thereby forcing Billy to drag him out of the building filled with smoke and CG flames. I'm guessing Roddy Piper was just feeling lazy since he seems quite able to walk as soon as Billy gets him out of the building. Hell, the paramedics only give him a blanket. Despite the horrendous damage done to the shop, magically, everything is back to normal the following morning (a feature crazy frat houses should envy). To be honest, I really don't remember what happens immediately after that, but suddenly the parents are wise to the whole scheme. Also, the dad has grown a really badass stache.

Next the kids are shown the codex book by Roddy Piper, and are sent off to find the “Alter of Destiny”. On the way they run into a superfluous troll that more looks like a green bulldog in a bathrobe; also its mouth doesn't move when it talks. After finding the alter (a tree stump), they see the way to the hidden cave. The kids are teleported back to the pawn shop, where the ask Roddy Piper for a boat. They take said boat to the cave and inside they run in to an undead warrior skeleton man. Billy and Mandy try to fight him, while their paunchy friend reminds them how weak they are. After his fifth attempt at convincing them, he decides to big himself up and slays the monster himself. They then find a malnourished dragon with Spawn level graphics that they kill with the wand. The next morning out trio takes a walk down some train tracks back to the pawn shop. The movie ends with the bully findind skeleton man's wand and a "...to be continued". Will it be continued? I don't know, but I sincerely hope not.

And that's about it. Trying to explain this movie is like trying to pull my own teeth out. It lacked on every level pertinent to being decent. We're only able to give it a "1 1/2" rating because it made us laugh, and even then it was inadvertent. In the end, you should skip this movie, no matter how cheap it is...even if it's free. Unless you really like bad movies.

Review by Tony "el Tigre" and Ari A.

Introduction...

2009-12-20T14:06:00.000-08:00

A person who behaves snobbishly is said to be "on their high horse". Often this term is used as an insult to those who speak their minds openly and critically. Such usage of the term seems almost absurd when one considers the sheer amount of media outlets, personal blogs and (heavily opinionated) talk shows people subscribe to everyday.

'On My High Horse', as used in these pages, should be taken with a level of irony, since, the goal of this blog is to present the topics that interest us in a fair and honest way, far from elitism.

In the coming weeks I hope to bring attention to our little space here, and hopefully get others interested in expressing themselves on these same pages.

Peace & Good Luck,

Tony "el Tigre"